What We Want
by RJ-Hodgins
Summary: Callie and Arizona struggle to figure out what it is they want after they break-up.


AN:Repost.

Written with Walking_Weapon.

* * *

Callie sighs, not so much out of physical weariness, but because her heart feels like it weighs a ton and is dragging along the floor a few feet behind her. Glancing at the clock she decides trying to sleep is her best bet and heads for an on-call room.

Arizona lies on the top bunk of an on call room tossing and turning restlessly. Ever since she and Callie split she can't sleep at home no matter how hard she tries. The tiny amount of sleep she's been able to garner has been here, in their on call room. She feels like her heart is in a vice, like every moment her and Callie are apart someone was squeezing it tighter and tighter.

Callie doesn't bother checking the room to see who's in it once she gets there. She just quickly sheds her shoes and scrub top, leaving her in pants and long sleeved shirt, before flopping onto a bed with a groan.

Arizona's breath catches as she hears that groan. She knows that groan. Slowly and without thinking she slips off her bunk and into Callie's, pressing herself to Callie shamelessly.

Callie jumps as she feels a warm body press against her. "Mark wha-" She starts, thinking he's playing a joke. She quickly cuts herself off when she smells the oh so familiar coconut scent of Arizona's shampoo.

Arizona doesn't say anything, just lies there looking at Callie. Her eyes are tinted with red, black bags under them and a world of pain swirling in their brown depths. She doesn't say anything as she takes off her top and guides Callie's hand to her breast. She knows that Callie could tell her she's nuts and get up and leave, but something tells her she won't.

Callie stares at Arizona, her hand unmoving as she tries to figure out if she's finally gone off the deep end or if this is real. The look in Arizona's eyes and the heat seeping into her hand make her think she just might be sane, and if she isn't...she isn't sure she cares anymore. Lunging forward she crashes their lips together in a hungry desperate kiss.

Arizona moans into Callie's mouth, her heart and body on fire. She shifts so Callie's over her, something she would normally make Callie fight for, but right now she needs Callie's weight on her. She moves her hands and pulls Callie's shirt and bra off before taking her own bra off.

Callie knows this is wrong, knows it'll just make waking up alone tomorrow morning sting even more, but she can't stop. Her hands frantically caress every inch of skin they can reach as her tongue invades Arizona's mouth.

Arizona doesn't know how her pants and panties end up on the floor, or how Callie's end up next to hers. But the next things she knows she has her face buried between Callie's thighs as Callie does the same to her. She knows just what to do, her fingers and tongue stroking just the right spots.

Callie's mind is reeling, the overload of sensations is almost too much to take. Arizona's taste, her smell, the noises she's making...the combination alone is almost enough to make her come even without the amazing things Arizona is doing to her. Feeling the pressure mounting she redoubles her efforts to get Arizona off, wanting her come with her.

Arizona's tongue presses against Callie's clit as she feel her own orgasm rip though her core. She tries her best to stroke Callie's folds as she comes, hoping to get her off at the same time. She needs Callie to come with her, needs her to share this moment with her.

The feel of Arizona's walls clenching around her fingers is the last push Callie needs to send her over the edge. She wants to moan, to scream, to make some kind of noise, but the power of her orgasm steals her breath and it's all she can do to keep gasping enough air to stay conscious.

Arizona moves up to spoon Callie once she can move again. She kisses Callie's shoulder and just holds her, not saying anything. They know each other well enough, despite their weeks apart to say more in the silence then words ever could.

Callie lies there, soaking in the feeling of having Arizona pressed against her. Lifting Arizona's hand she gently kisses each knuckle before tightly entwining their fingers and resting their joined hands against her heart.

Arizona moves her head and kisses Callie's shoulder again. She wants to say I love you, but she feels like at the moment her voice wouldn't work anyway. She moves her thumb over Callie's knuckles, just breathing in her scent. For something she knows is so wrong this sure as hell feels right.

Callie searches for something to say, but the only words screaming to be said are I love you and she knows she can't say those. Suddenly the blare of a pager sounds, saving her from needing to say anything at all.

"Shit it must be something big." Arizona mutters, jumping up and checking her pager at the same time as Callie.

"Ya." Callie agrees, scrambling to get dressed. Checking to see that Arizona was fully clothed first she opens the door and hurries out.

Arizona takes a deep breath before running after Callie. She doesn't know what just happened between them but she doesn't have time to deal with it now.

Three weeks. Three weeks of not talking unless it was while working a case. Three weeks of not being quite as broken, yet being even more crushed. Three weeks of mind-blowing sex in an on-call room with the woman she loves but can't be with. Callie thinks she should feel dirty or maybe even used, but she doesn't. She knows they should stop, that they shouldn't have even started, but she's still heading to their on-call room right now and hoping it isn't empty.

Arizona is pacing the on-call room, her hand going to the necklace she hasn't taken off even though she knows she should. She has felt both on top of the world, and like she's been chewing gum off of someone's shoe for the last three weeks. At least holding Callie after they make love makes her feel like they have a chance to be together one day. That's just it though, she knows it doesn't. She knows they're just…well she doesn't know what they're doing, but she knows it's not healthy.

Callie freezes when she enters the on-call room and sees Arizona pacing. Over the past three weeks Arizona has always been in bed if she got here first, sometimes clothed, sometimes not, but always in bed and at least pretending to be here for a reason other than sex.

Arizona turns and walks over to Callie, pushing her back against the door and locking it. She doesn't kiss Callie even though their lips are inches apart. She's over the game. They're here to fuck, not to sleep, not to talk. To fuck. With that thought firmly in mind she falls to her knees, pushing Callie's pants and panties down and starting to do just that.

Callie doesn't even have a chance to react beyond burying her hands in Arizona's hair and throwing her head back to ride out the pleasure rushing through her.

Arizona uses her tongue to skillfully tease Callie until she feels her walls clench around her fingers. She keeps her face there, her lips around Callie's clit as she rides out her climax, before pulling back, standing up and leaving.

Callie staggers as Arizona forces the door open and squeezes her way out, before slumping against it as it slams closed behind her. What. The. Fuck?

Arizona walks quickly to the attending's locker room, strips down and immediately gets in the shower. She feels dirtier in this moment than she has in her whole life, but she still hopes, prays even, that Callie will come after her or see that they can't just fuck forever.

Callie's torn between being angry at being left and...being incredibly turned on and angry at being left. Shaking her head she forces her legs to be steady, quickly pulls hers pants back up and heads off in search of Arizona.

Arizona walks out of the shower, dresses, and plasters a smile on her face as she heads out to finish her shift. She hopes no one needs to be worked on because for the first time since becoming a doctor she doesn't trust her hands.

After checking most of the hospital Callie resigns herself to the fact that Arizona is probably in the Peds wing, a place she hasn't ventured to since their breakup. Wiping her suddenly sweaty palms on her pants she enters the elevator and hits the button for the Peds floor before she can change her mind.

"Give Sara Stillman four of DXP over the next three hours." Arizona says to one of the nurses as she looks over a chart. She's hoping that her shift will just pass quickly so it can be over and she can go home and drink.

Callie hears her before she ever sees her, her lilting voice carrying from one of the patient's rooms. Making a snap decision she quickly dashes around the corner so as not to be spotted and heads to Arizona's office. If they were going to do this, whatever this was, they weren't going to do it in front of anyone else.

Leaving her patient's room, Arizona takes a deep breath before going to the one place she knows she can be alone without having to answer to anyone. She opens her office door, locks it and lets her head rest against the cool wood.

"What a day." Arizona whispers to herself.

"Now there's an understatement," Callie says from where she's sitting behind Arizona's desk, her feet propped up on it.

Arizona slowly turns. "Get your feet of my $2,000 desk." She mutters, sitting in the chair in front of her desk. "Why are you here? I gave you want you wanted."

"What I wanted?" Callie asks incredulously, suddenly sitting up and coming around the desk. Without giving Arizona a chance to react she straddles her in the chair and quickly forces her hand past her pants and panties.

Arizona whimpers and bucks her hips in an effort to gain more contact with Callie's hand. She groans when Callie plunges two fingers into her and wastes no time setting a steady pace. Seconds after Callie's thumb touches her clit she's done for.

"Thanks, but I could have done that myself." Arizona sighs, her head falling to Callie's shoulder.

"Exactly. So what the hell are we doing?" Callie mutters bitterly as she climbs off Arizona. Wrapping her arms around herself she walks over to the window and stares blankly out it.

"We're having sex so we don't have to be over." Arizona whispers softly, standing up and walking over to her. "So we can pretend to be moving on and still have a part of the other."

Callie shivers slightly as she feels Arizona come up behind her, so close they're almost touching and yet still so far away. "You said you gave me what I wanted. What if that's not what I want?" Callie asks softly.

"You want a child and I don't. The only thing I can give you now is sex Callie. We want different things out of life." Arizona sighs.

"Don't say that." Callie pleads.

"It's the truth." Arizona whispers, lifting her hand but not touching Callie. "You want what I can't give you and I want what you can't give me."

"If I...If we..." Callie stammers, not sure how to put what she's feeling into words. "If I could give you what you wanted, what would you want me to give you?" She asks instead, because playing this game of what ifs is easier than trying to explain what's going on.

"You can't give me what I want Calliope." Arizona whispers, looking at her face in the glass. "Because it's the opposite of what you want. It's heartbreaking and unfair but it's the truth."

"Just...answer the question. Please?" Callie begs. She needs an answer, she needs to know what Arizona wants before she says what she bursting to say, what she's been bursting to say since the moment they broke up.

"I want Spain, I want Rome, I want Paris. I want a life without children in my home." Arizona whispers softly.

"And..." Callie presses. Spain and no kids anyone can give Arizona, she needs to know what the blonde wants from her.

"I want to hear Spanish when I'm being made love to. I want to wake up to find I'm being held while my neck is being nuzzled. I want to sing in the car on the way downtown while someone next to me is playing drums on the dashboard. I want love." Arizona whispers, a tear falling.

"Do you want that with me?" Callie asks so quietly she's not sure Arizona even hears her.

"You know I do Calliope." Arizona says softly, closing her eyes. "You know I've wanted that for a long time."

"So if I was standing here, saying I wanted to give all of that to you, would you say yes?"

"I would say no." Arizona forces out softly, the words burning her throat.

"Ari..." Callie whimpers, finally turning around. "Damn it!" She cries in frustration. "I can't see it anymore. The house and the kids and the white picket fence. I can't see it."

"One day when you meet the right m . . . person . . . you will." Arizona chokes out, crossing her arms over her chest. Taking a deep breath as tears form in her eyes, she tries to hold it together. She really hadn't wanted this to happen.

"That's just it, I'm never going to do that because the only person for me is standing right in front of me saying they don't want me." Callie chokes out as her own tears well up. "I've always wanted kids, but I've never seen it, not like I did with you. Now...now all I see is you." She forces out.

Arizona slowly pulls Callie towards her, unable to let Callie cry without someone comforting her. She needs to soothe her, even if she's the reason why Callie is crying. "I love you Calliope. I want to be with you so much."

"Then say yes. Just...say yes and let me give you the world." Callie whispers.

"No regrets?" Arizona asks, a hint of pleading creeping into her voice.

"No regrets." Callie says confidently.

"Yes." Arizona breathes, hugging Callie even tighter. Callie hugs her back just as tightly as they both soak up the moment.

"On one condition." Arizona whispers into Callie's ear after clinging to each other in silence for a while.

"Anything." Callie sighs.

"You get a big butterfly tattooed on your ass." Arizona says, just to see what Callie will say. She needs to hear Callie's laugh, needs to know that they really are alright.

Callie breaks out laughing as she holds Arizona even tighter. "You can pick out a design when we're in Spain." Callie mumbles.

"I still have my cousins timeshare booked." Arizona admits, blushing a little bit.

"Planning on getting over me with some hot island girl?" Callie teases. Inside she's doing a happy dance that Arizona hadn't been able to give up on their plans either.

"I couldn't call her and tell her that we weren't going. I was planning on going there, getting drunk and then calling you." Arizona says, blushing a little deeper.

"I would have come you know that? If you'd called me, drunk or otherwise, I would have hopped on a plane without a second thought." Callie whispers, smiling at Arizona's blush.

"It helps that you have a private jet on stand by at Seattle airport." Arizona teases, kissing Callie's jaw very softly.

"It does. And it helps that you're the love of my life." Callie sighs, loving the feel of the woman in her arms.

"One of these days I am going to make you Mrs. Calliope Torres." Arizona smiles at Callie, stroking her cheek. Even as the words leave her mouth she wonders if she's going to far, putting to much stock in their barely repaired relationship.

"What, no Mrs. and Mrs. Robbins?" Callie smiles, brushing a stray curl behind Arizona's ear and gently running her fingertips down Arizona's neck.

"Callie do you know what that would do to the board? And it's Dr. and Dr. Robbins." Arizona chuckles softly, beyond relieved that Callie's reaction was a positive one.

"Hmm...that is true. Bailey might have a coronary if we did that to her board." Callie chuckles.

"So I become Dr. Robbins and you become Dr. Torres. Sounds simple enough." Arizona laughs, glad that they can talk and joke like this again.

"You always were right." Callie grins.

"See, if you had just remembered that five weeks ago we wouldn't have fought." Arizona smirks a little, kissing Callie. "Now get out. I have work to do."

"It's gonna take years for you to stop using that isn't it?" Callie grins.

"Pretty much." Arizona agrees, smacking Callie's ass as she pushes her out of her office. "I have to put a budget together, so go before I lose all my will to do work."

"How about I give you some incentive to finish that work?" Callie smirks as she turns around and kisses Arizona deeply. Pulling back only when the need to breathe forces her to, she leans in and pants against Arizona's ear. "My shift is over and the apartment is empty tonight. I'm going to be waiting for you." She husks.

"Woman whore." Arizona mutters, teasing Callie and picking on her best friend all in one shot.

"Only for you." Callie throws back, meaning it in so many ways.

"Go, so I can work Dr. Torres." Arizona says, using a sort of code they had perfected over their time together.

"Of course Dr. Robbins, wouldn't want to distract you." Callie winks as she walks away. She'd give it maybe two minutes before Arizona sent her a dirty text.

Sitting down at her desk Arizona pulls out her phone and sends Callie a photo of her clock saying 9PM before pulling out her files and starting to put together a budget for her department.

Callie grins as her phone buzzes, but her expression quickly turns to one of confusion when she sees the picture Arizona had texted her. A picture of a clock is definitely not what she was expecting. She sends back a simple '?' as she makes her way out of the elevator.

'That's when I'll be over.' Arizona sends back, trying to figure out how little things could cost so much. Really was a child size gown worth $234?

Glancing at the time and realizing that 9pm was a full two hours away Callie pouts and quickly types out a response. She debates sending it briefly before deciding that this would be the perfect test to see if they really are fine again. 'I might have to start without you.' She reads over her message one last time before hitting send.

'Do, and you won't be getting anything from me tonight.' Arizona sends back with a little smiley face.

'Meanie' Callie replies, wishing there was a pouting face she could add to it. Yep, they were definitely fine again, or at least headed that way.


End file.
